Heart Matter
by absurdvampmuse
Summary: Bellarke. Set right after Shifting Sands (S5). /The dichotomy to her was highly appealing because he carried the same burden of being so used to having only one side on display. "We're past there being secrets between us, aren't we?" Her eyes burned an icy blue as she took him in. "You and Echo, how did it happen?" she asked the question that had been on her mind./


**Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to the 100 TV show or the book series. I am merely borrowing the characters. All I own is my imagination and the laptop I wrote this on.**

 **A/N:** The Bellarke reunion wasn't exactly what I had in mind, although it did showcase their closeness and how much they rely on one another. The whole Echo thing is throwing a wrench into the entire thing, so that is why my story picks up right after Shifting Sands. This idea came to my mind and I had to get it out. I hope you'll enjoy reading this.

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 **Heart Matter**

" _And I'm always going to want you back…"_

As Clarke hugged Madi to her, she couldn't help but watch as Bellamy and Echo embraced one another, skin grazing against skin as their lips did the same. Echo drank in every inch of him, leaving fingerprints almost too quickly for Clarke to follow while Bellamy's acknowledgment of her absence and their subsequent reunion was more subdued, mindful of all of the eyes that were on them. _Of her eyes on him._

It landed on her heart suddenly, a weight she had been unprepared for as it pressed down, stealing her breath momentarily. The way it did when something earthshattering happened and you had to fight to keep breathing. This has been a scenario she hadn't foreseen, an image she had almost forgotten: him with another woman. How it had been the norm back when… Images flashed before her eyes of him shirtless, tanned and overly confident, his fingers clasping hers right before she could fall, his big brown eyes looking for hers across a space.

Bellamy caught her looking at him now as well, although all she could do was avert her eyes and plaster on a pleasant enough smile as she greeted and hugged the others, Echo included. She made sure she spent time with them while she made sure that Madi had plenty to eat. Afterward, when her eyes had dimmed, and the stars were all that provided any light at all, Clarke found Madi the warmest and safest place to sleep. She sat with the girl as she found comfort beneath the blankets and animal pelts, listening to her as she talked about the past couple of days.

"He talked about you," Madi managed to break through Clarke's inner reverie, the words intentional by the mischievous gleam in her eyes. "As soon as I told him you were alive. He never even said her name."

"Echo. Her name's Echo," Clarke playfully scolded, although it was a good reminder for herself as well.

Madi crossed her arms. "I don't care."

"Madi, she's…"

"From your stories," she broke in. "Yeah, I know. She was always my least favorite." Madi uncrossed her arms so she could stick them beneath the blankets. "Bellamy's just like you described him."

Clarke looked up from the spot she had been focusing on to meet Madi's inquiring gaze. "Yeah, he is," she agreed while offering up a gentle smile. "Maybe even better. I don't think I did him justice. He's different," she confessed, whispering the words like it was a secret.

Madi simply shrugged up her shoulders. "So? It's still him and he's here now. He came back for you like in your stories."

Clarke reached out to pull at the girl's braid. "You're too smart for your own good. Time for bed," she announced while getting up. "I'll be just outside."

Madi nodded. "Good."

Clarke looked back at the girl once more before exiting the tent.

She ended up finding a spot to sit at one of the camp's outer edges, able to observe her friends without them realizing. It was something she did, so she always had a mental picture to remember, what all of them looked like together. These moments didn't tend to last, even though she knew that there was something different this time. It had been more definite, real. She had felt their losses as they had felt hers. But now as she sat on the outside, looking in, she realized how well they functioned together. _Without her_. Like a machine that had found a way to work even with one of its parts missing.

She couldn't help but skim over where Bellamy and Echo were sitting, needing to confirm what she had been witness to earlier. She was prepared this time, albeit not for Bellamy's prying eyes as they met hers head-on. Lowering her eyes and head, she got back up, slipping soundlessly from his grasp as she retreated to her own tent.

That night her sleep was restless as she dreamt of the world ending and burning alive, screaming while her friends simply sat around her like she was the bonfire. Bellamy and Echo were caught up in a feverous kiss as her heart was reduced to ashes that were then carried off in a sandstorm.

Clarke woke with a start, aware of a second presence in the tent with her mere heartbeats later. Her hand automatically went for the handgun she had slipped beneath the bundle she was using as a pillow while she pushed herself up onto her knees. She raised her eyes, the tension dispersing from her limbs the second the recognition hit her. She released a gasp as well as her hold on the gun.

Bellamy held up both of his hands. "I just came in to check on you."

Clarke signaled for him to come in even further, her eyes landing on her bare thighs as she realized that she wasn't used to sharing her space with anybody but Madi anymore. She had been sleeping in oversized t-shirts, comfortable enough because most threats had been obliterated yet she had also known to always expect the unexpected and still slept with a weapon beneath her pillow.

"You've stuck to yourself tonight," Bellamy observed as he fully entered the small space, keeping enough distance between them so he could look down at her comfortably. He slipped his hands into his pockets because it wasn't his place to do what had come to his mind first.

"It's what I've been used to," Clarke gave him a half truth. She looked up at him, blue meeting brown. "Thank you for keeping Madi safe."

"The kid can handle herself. And a gun."

Clarke's smile was timid. "Yeah, well, she had a good teacher."

Bellamy returned the smile with one of his own, even though it didn't reach his eyes. "Now what's the real reason for the lone wolf act?"

Clarke dropped her gaze, hands clasped together on her thighs as she swallowed. "I just don't want to intrude." She shrugged. "It's been six years and you, all of you have been together while I have been… It was just a lot to take in after everything."

"Clarke," he said her name after a beat, pulling his hands from his pockets. "You are a part of all of us. I can see how you would forget, but we've come all of this way in the hope of some miracle that there might be some probability that you had somehow survived."

Clarke looked up at the hand he was now holding out to her. His fingers twitched, and she placed her hand in his, allowing him to pull her up from the floor. "We're all grateful. Infinitely so," he told her, tilting his head so he could hold her gaze even when she tried to avoid his.

"I volunteered," she simply stated, pulling her hand from his with more force than she needed to. It revealed that there was something underlying to her words and actions, something that she was trying to keep concealed even though she forgot that he knew most of her tells. "You don't owe me anything," she added, pulling at the hem of her shirt at the arbitrary observation of how tall he in fact was when they were standing so close to one another. Another thing she had forgotten.

Just like he had almost failed to remember the exact shade of her locks or how when no one but him was watching, she became a more accessible and unguarded version of herself. More receptive to him and his attentive touches and subtle looks. Just like he became a less severe version of himself, the coarseness no longer audible in his words and his frame more relaxed and ever-leaning towards her. He was inexplicably drawn to her just like her eyes were always pulled to his whenever they found themselves in the same space.

"Tell me what's going on, Princess?" Bellamy requested, his voice brushing against her skin like velvet. His approach was gentle, practically coaxing the words from her as well as the shiver that ran down her spine.

"I forgot," Clarke murmured, her fingers hooking themselves into her shirt's fabric. "You came for me. Saved me when I needed you the most. It was like old times…" She trailed off and frown lines appeared on her brow. "When the others arrived at camp, only then did I truly realize how things have changed."

Bellamy made a sound in his throat as he urged her to go on and fill in all of the blanks she was leaving him with.

Clarke shrugged, lifting one hand up to grab a hold of her shoulder. "It's natural. You've changed. I know I have. Life went on."

"Clarke, I might have been preoccupied with keeping us alive up there, but I never forgot what you were willing to sacrifice. And it must have been hard to be here when—"

Clarke scoffed at his words, simultaneously shaking her head. "Stop. I knew what I was giving up. And it didn't matter because it meant giving you, all of you a shot. I was by myself, at first, yes, but you were on my mind every day. I radioed y—"

"Hey," Bellamy cut her off, moving a step forwards that she retreated from. Now it was his turn to frown. "I never forgot about you."

"Well, having each other must have made time more bearable to deal with. Echo and—"

"Clarke," Bellamy tried but she only shook her head, one hand flying upwards as if to physically keep him from responding. "No, I'm sorry. I just need time… to adjust." She dropped her hand. "You're right, I've been on my own for a long time, too much time to ever imagine what it would be like if we would see each other again." Clarke forced her eyes to meet his and to keep her emotions from spilling over onto her features. "I'm glad you had someone up there, in every way possible. I had Madi."

"It's not the same," Bellamy pointed out, carefully broaching the topic they were now tiptoeing around.

"She needed me, and I needed her." Clarke made as if to turn her back to Bellamy, but he encroached on her personal space, towering over her fully as he kept one hand on her waist to keep her in place. "You needed me," he formulated, wetting his bottom lip before repeating the words once more, posed as a question this time. "You needed me?"

She placed her hand on top of the one he had on her waist, intending on pushing him off but found herself pressing into his fingers with her own instead. She swallowed her nerves and uncertainty, giving a single nod as an answer to his question. "I wanted you," she breathed. "I… I don't know… I'm not…" Her fingers floated less than an inch above his chest, from the fabric she wanted to cling onto. A visceral reaction to needing something tangible to touch but holding back because she knew that he wasn't hers to touch. She could badly want, yes, but Echo had been the one to claim him. "Just, never mind," Clarke finally receded, sounding disheartened in a way that pulled at something deep within him. The part of her that needed him to be stubborn and demand an answer calling to the part of him that marveled at this side of her that was so susceptible to him. The dichotomy to her was highly appealing because he carried the same burden of being so used to having only one side on display.

Bellamy removed his hand from her waist only to gingerly slide his fingers in between hers. "Tell me. We're past there being secrets between us, aren't we? It's better not to leave anything unsaid, especially considering the years that have already past," he rationalized.

Her eyes burned an icy blue as she took him in, considering his words and trying out the taste of them on her tongue. "You and Echo, how did it happen?" she asked the question that had been on her mind ever since she saw the two of them reunite.

Understanding overwrought him thoroughly and suddenly, like a current, as well as awareness of so many things all at once. The distance she had so purposely kept between them today, the way she stumbled over words she was cautiously considering… But also, the way her skin felt against his own and how he had never seen her in as little clothing before. Countless thoughts and emotions that had always been irrelevant to their state of being and the immediacy of their survival. "We only had each other up there, with limited space. We were both looking for comfort."

He felt her squirm as she attempted to pull her hand from his, readying to retreat behind those walls she could build up high enough even impossible for him to breach. Yet he didn't let go, only tightening his hold on her. "You weren't there."

She sucked in a sharp breath, her free hand now fully making contact with his chest. He used it to his advantage by folding his own hand around hers, pressing it against him and pulling her just a little closer for the sparse seconds that she allowed it. "What's that supposed to mean?" she wondered out loud.

His eyes were intense, changing shades and deepening as they conveyed what he might be unable to do so in words. This time he did release her when she shifted her body away from him.

"How am I supposed to take that, Bellamy?" She turned her back to him.

"Our relationship has always had its complications," he worded vaguely as he treaded onto uncovered territory.

Clarke took it as him referring to how things had been at the very beginning between them when lines were being drawn constantly and boundaries were continuously set. Back when they had to regard their words with care and walk on eggshells because the wrong thing could change his mind or affect her actions. _They had always been reactionary_. "Not for a while now," she observed, looking over her shoulder back at him when he remained silent. "Am I wrong?"

Her eyes widened, and he took a step forwards, towards her. "Not in the way you're indicating" He released a huff of air, one hand pushing back some of his disorderly locks. "How I meant it is that there was never any time for anything but—"

"No, stop," Clarke asked of him as she spun back around to face him completely once more. "I don't want to hear it. I don't care."

"You don't care," Bellamy repeated her words, scoffing as he ran his hand down his face. "We haven't seen each other in over 6 years and you don't care that I'm here having this conversation with you, trying to… You haven't felt my absence the way I felt yours?"

"Of course I have," she answered instantly. "It's not a question of whether I have missed you because—"

"Because I _have_ missed you, Clarke. And you know that I'm not one for all of this sentimental stuff."

"Okay, so we've missed each other," she replied with a shrug of her shoulders. "That makes sense. But what you're implying can't… You can't… You have a girlfriend. And you can still take this back, but once—"

Bellamy shook his head. "We were in our own version of the world up there. There weren't a lot of options for the intimacy I—"

"Don't do that," Clarke cut him off the way they had both been doing to one another as they were simultaneously at loss for words and bursting with them. "Echo doesn't deserve that."

"I know," Bellamy agreed. "She's not… you." He shrugged. "I'm being honest. I don't know if anything will come from it, but I just wanted you to know that you're not alone. Not anymore. And that we didn't forget about you. You still belong. With us. With me," he aimed the last two words directly at her, their density so substantial that it made her feel weightless. She felt her legs tremble and submitted to the loss of control by sinking to her knees, a princess kneeling in a pool of moonlight.

"I didn't come here with any ulterior motives or intentions other than speaking my mind," he told her. "There are no expectations either. Or any pressure. I just needed to get this out in the open, between us. Okay?"

Clarke nodded, acknowledging that she had taken it all in. "Okay."

Bellamy stood over her, watching her for a handful of beats. Until he could no longer stand to be near her without acting on his realization and admission, in whatever small way he was permitted. To emphasize, to prove and to tide him over until the next time. He leaned over and pressed his lips affectionately to the crown of her head, the self-professed kind bowing down to one of the few people who had such power over him.

Clarke reached out with one hand, twining her fingers into his locks so she could keep him there for a little longer, closing her eyes as she breathed in his familiar scent.

"I'll be here in whatever capacity you need, want," he whispered into her ear, his breath eliciting a toe-curling reaction from her.

"I don't want to lose you as a friend," she confessed to him just as softly, avoiding eye-contact for just a little longer.

She felt him nod. "If that is what you—"

"No," she voiced, her tone as intense as his gaze as she finally met it. "That might not be enough. Not anymore."

"Think about it," he replied as he stood back up straight, fighting the urge to get back down to her level, knees grazing against knees. "Either way, what I have with Echo was impermanent, a substitute. I knew this from the very beginning. So did she."

She was hyper aware of him as his voice brushed against her. And when the faintest of blushes became visible on her face, a little bit of his old self shone through in the gleam of his eyes. "Sleep well, Princess."

A tease, a promise. There were so many words that he left unspoken and to be interpreted, and Clarke was unable to hide her smile from him as he slipped from the tent. The space not feeling the same without him.

Bellamy had come back for the girl who had sacrificed for him. For the princess who had never been afraid to go toe to toe with the self-proclaimed king.

For a fearless girl who had bided her time like he had.

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 **Please Review?** Be so kind as to let me know what you thought? I would really appreciate it. I'm also on the lookout for some good Bellarke stories, preferably with a lot of tension, in character and exploring the moments between them when something almost could have happened. Leave behind those suggestions as well? Thank you!


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